I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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