I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
