next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
