Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
