toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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