I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
