just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
