i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
