I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
