I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
