But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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