Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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