He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
