started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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