To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
