you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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