saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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