So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
