glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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