Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
