I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
