help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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