well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
