just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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