Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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