you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
