So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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