Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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