I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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