Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
