I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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