I CAN MOONWALK!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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