Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
