i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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