Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
