Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
