Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
