where am i from again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
