the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
