A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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