the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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