ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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