Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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