I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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