I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You smell like stripper and shame
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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