No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
