Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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