I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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