Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
