Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
