She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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