What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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