ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
