I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
