so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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