looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
