I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
