The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
