Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you have feelings for this penis?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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