The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
