Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
