Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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