Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
