Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
