some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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