I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
