Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
