i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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