So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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