8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
