the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
