It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
