I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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