Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
