Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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