8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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