what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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